The Family House

I didn’t want to go. Really, I didn’t. I wanted to see my family but not at this house. Not at this far-away house, I barely remembered. You see, it was not the family home etched in my memory. No, if my family had any connection to this home it was through some obscure inheritance or a purchase made with development in mind. In either case, the development never materialized and my family spent little time in that house.

I had none but the slightest, vaguest memories of it. I remember the dark rooms, the old white walls, but no detail. Now, my cousin Carly had spent more time in that house and her memories were vivid. A few years earlier, I don’t remember exactly how many, she spoke of the house in detail. Mom and I were quite taken aback at the experience she told us of but, the strangest thing was that I remembered nothing of her story except for one thing. She didn’t like the place and never wanted to return. She went so far as to encourage us to sell the house and divorce it from the family.

Naturally, I was not expecting to see her at the reunion on this evening. I did want to remember her story, however, and why she had such a strong aversion to the house. Sure, I had no interest in ever visiting but her dislike of the place involved something more than the condition and location of the place.

Location. Just where was this place again? I had been walking in the snow for a while now. I was confident about my direction but the sky was getting dark and the air cold. I was surprised to see no relative on the road to the reunion. A few crows on the bare birch trees were my only company and even they soon flew off. It wasn’t just the company I longed for. Someone had to remember Carly’s story. I really wanted to remember now.

I wanted to talk to someone so badly that; wait, was this a tear rolling down my eye? No, it must have been the wind. I always blamed my tears on the wind, ever since I learned I wasn’t supposed to cry. The only people who ever told me it was ok to cry were the same people I never feared crying in front of.

But this was all some time ago and now, now the house came into view. I knew it was the house, if only because there were no others around. It looked just like I would have remembered it if I remembered it at all. It was an old house with chipping white paint. The house itself was not visibly in decay but it looked desolate, abandoned, and forlorn. There were patches of snow on the gray (or was it brown?) roof and the windowsills, but the house was clearly visible, even in the darkness. I didn’t quite understand who organized this reunion in the first place but, looking around and seeing no one I became a little alarmed. I did not want to be the first person to arrive. A few lights seemed to be on inside and so I knocked. Immediately the door opened and Mom stood before me.

“Ralph, where’ve you been?” She turned her head and called, “Gracie, you Ralphie’s here…finally.”

Aunt Gracie walked up, almost smiling.

“We were wondering when you were going to show up. You kept us waiting all this time,” she said.

Mom was smiling too, but I detected more perplexity in her tone.

“You told us to be here at seven and it’s been hours,” she said. “Did you forget the time?”

After a moment of silence and staring at both I asked,” Wait, what do you mean I told you to be here at seven?”
“Yeah, this was your idea,” Aunt Gracie said.

“Was it? No, no, I didn’t plan this, wasn’t it…,”

“Of course it was you, silly. Who else would it be? When you told me about it you sounded so excited,” Mom said, almost laughing, but the smile began showing signs of trailing off when she added, “I almost asked you, Ralph, what are you talking about? You had not mentioned this house in years and I even thought you forgot about it. It was very strange.”

“No…ummm…when did I call you about coming here.”

“When you told me,” said Aunt Gracie. “Remember I told you to call your Mom and to ask her if she wanted to come?”

“I guess, yeah. Is anyone else here? Who else showed up?”

“I don’t know. Did you invite anybody else?”  asked Mom.

“You didn’t mention anybody else,” added Aunt Gracie.

“Alright, well, let’s wait and see,” I said.

I stepped in and Aunt Gracie shut the door behind me. Most of the lights were off in the old house, except for the kitchen where I could see they had something in the stove. It was so dark that I still don’t understand why I bothered looking around the place, but it jogged my memory.

“Mom, I was thinking on my way over here, why did Carly hate this place?”

My mother stopped walking, turned back to look at me and sighed.

“Ralph, are you still on that? I told you to stop it. It’s not good to be thinking about that. You’re not helping yourself and it’s not healthy.”

“But, that’s my problem. I don’t remember what she said.”

“Ralphie, I told you to just leave it alone.”

What more could I say? Mom walked into the kitchen but she would have been as distant in front of me. The subject was done, my residual curiosity notwithstanding. There was no use asking Aunt Gracie, at least not in front of Mom. Maybe if I caught her alone later. Right now, she was also in the kitchen, where she’d gone before Mom walked in.

I was alone in the entrance. Why didn’t it bother me as it did when I was young? I didn’t wonder about then. In fact, I didn’t even notice I was left alone. What I did notice was an air of peace that came over me and cast a new light on the house. Oh it was still that strange old house that I hardly remembered, but it began to feel more like a home. Not my home, but a home I would have been welcome in a long time ago.

I decided to walk around the place and my feelings became harder to grasp. My fear and anxiety began to wane and the house grew more familiar in my mind. I could not find light switches, though my hands were slapping the darkened walls for them, but my memories became clearer as I walked down the passage way. Nothing surprised me about the house, where everything was felt natural or right to me. Although I didn’t remember where doors or rooms were I knew they were supposed to be where I found them.

            A click from ahead broke the silence and some of the darkness, creating a glow around one of the door-less entries. I recognized the face that came out of the dark room and into the light. It was my brother Charlie with his unforgettable goofy grin.

            “Ralph! You found me!”

            I had to laugh now. I knew he needed me to laugh about it now. He needed to know I was not the child he remembered hiding the remote from during Saturday morning cartoons.

            Hey Ralphie, where’s the remote? Who hid it, Ralphie?

            No, that was a long time ago.

            I cleared my head. “Still love hide and seek, eh Charlie?”

            “And I see you still hate it, Ralph. Anyway, how are you? I’m glad you came, it’s been too long and I wanted to talk.”

            I did too, in fact, but I was drawn for some reason to the thick darkness of the room behind him. Charlie never missed the subtlest gesture.

            “Ralphie, what are you looking for back there?”

            Charlie paused and his face went stern and his voice chillier, “Ralph. You’re not scared of the ghosts, are you?”

            Shit! That’s right, it was something about ghosts that Carly had spoken of. Here in this house she had claimed were ghosts, a long time ago.

            “W-wait, what?” I said returning to the moment. “There’s stories of ghosts here?”

            “Well, they say, sometimes in some of these rooms you can hear voices and strange noises. But you don’t believe in that. I know you don’t. There is nothing to be afraid of in this house, believe me in that. No reason to be afraid here.”

            But there was, and I heard it the moment I started listening for it. Strange noises were coming from the dark room behind Charlie. Was it a groan or something worse? I couldn’t ask Charlie. He didn’t want me to ask, but he didn’t even seem to hear it.

            “Charlie…do you…do you hear that?”

            Charlie surprised me again; he smirked.

            “Ralphie, come on. That’s Mom in the kitchen, that noise has always been Mom in the kitchen. Don’t you remember we showed you? Those are the old rusty drawers! Ralphie, come on,” Charlie was back to smiling.

            I nodded, but felt more than embarrassed. I was disappointed in myself for asking.

            “I do remember now Charlie. Yeah, I do,” I paused and forced myself to ask him my next question. “So…look, Charlie. I don’t know where you’ve been but, you’re not gonna leave again, are you?”

            The smile disappeared from my brother’s face almost immediately.

            “You think I went away, Ralph? Don’t tell yourself that. I never wanted to go anywhere but…well, you know, you went away too Ralph. You tried to forget me and what happe…,”

            “Charlie, we can’t. We can’t do this now. I just want to know if you still want to see me and talk to me when I need you.”

            “But Ralph, you never wanted to talk about this, not now or ever. You tried so hard to avoid talking about it that you convinced yourself there was nothing to talk about. You blokcked me out all these years. But I do want to talk to you about it and about anything you want. Why do you think I asked you to come over here? I want you to know that it’s all good with us. It always was. I want to make sure that you’re good; that’s my real question. People get sick. I got sick, nobody was able to control that. We can’t always say what we want to say. Life doesn’t work like that; guaranteeing people time. But you have to be ok with things now. Maybe you should start talking about it, why do you think I told you to ask Mom and Aunt Gracie to come here. They want you to talk and you need to talk to them about it.”

            “I…Charlie, I will talk to them if you want me to but…”

            Charlie smiled again and nodded, “That’s good kid. Talk to Carly too. She also needs to be ok with things and needs to talk. Can you do that for me?”

            “Of course, Charlie. You got it.”

            “Thanks kid,” said Charlie without losing his smile. “Why don’t you go see what those two crazy old ladies are doing in the kitchen. Alright and, please, talk to them.”

            Charlie stepped backward into the room and was swallowed by the darkness. I wanted to follow him in but my head began to hurt. Images, thoughts, and voices from the past. I was in no condition to follow him and converse. I decided to start making my way back toward the entrance and seeing what Mom and Aunt Gracie were up to. I knew Charlie would not talk to me for the rest of this party or at all for a long time. But I couldn’t talk to him right now. My head was still spinning and my eyes were beginning to get blurry. By the time I was near the end of the corridor I could barely see anything besides the mist before my eyes. But I did hear the voice of my mother and I could see the glow from the front light.

            “Ralph, where did you go?”

            I had to tell them but not now. I did need to talk to them, and they had to know I could talk to them, but not now. They wanted to know why my eyes were tearing up but I couldn’t tell them. I hadn't been able to speak to them properly since Charlie died four years earlier.